Joke Thread!

[booman141]

Have any good jokes? This is the place to post them.

And please spare us the super original act of posting a picture of the Cardinals on here.

[booman141]

Drunk Driver

(In honor of Sun Devil Don the PWI Captain!)

A policeman pulls over a driver for swerving in and out of lanes on the highway. He tells the guy to blow a breath into a breathalyzer.

''I can't do that, officer.''

''Why not?''

''Because I'm an asthmatic. I could get an asthma attack if I blow into that tube.''

''Okay, we'll just get a urine sample down at the station.''

''Can't do that either, officer.''

''Why not?''

''Because I'm a diabetic. I could get low blood sugar if I pee in a cup.''

''Alright, we could get a blood sample.''

''Can't do that either, officer.''

''Why not?''

''Because I'm a hemophiliac. If I give blood I could die.''

''Fine then, just walk this white line.''

''Can't do that either, officer.''

''Why not?''

''Because I'm drunk.''

[Cards&Colts]

What do you call a Minnesota Viking with a superBowl ring?

----A theif :redtowel:

[SULLY]

so theres 3 tampons walking down the street. one on the left, one on the right, and one in the middle. which one says hi to you first???

none, they are all stuck up b itches

[Cardzfan]

I went to DMV to get a duplicate driver's license because I lot mine.

They said "we can take your picture now and you'll be on your way"

I said no, I will come back tomorrow.

They said "why"

I said I wanted to come back drunk out of my mind so when the officer checks my diriver's license he would say "No, he always looks like that!"

[SunDevilDon]

****, I don't have any that aren't dirty!!!

Oh well, if I think of one, I'll post it.

[booman141]

A man is out hitting the links and he hits his first drive into the adjacent water hazard on the first hole. He walked over to look for his ball and saw it about six feet out from the shore in shallow water. He took his ball retriever from his bag, extended it and reached out into the water and got his ball. As he was drying it off, he heard a voice speak to him.

"Hey, mister," the voice said.

He looked around and saw no one. He started back to drop his ball along the ball's line of flight as it went into the hazard.

"Hey, mister," the voice said again.

He looked down amongst the weeds and grass growing by the water and saw a frog sitting there staring at him. This time he was looking at the frog when it said, "Hey, mister."

"Yeah? What do you want, frog?" he asked.

"Mister, I'm really a beautiful princess but a wicked witch has put a spell on me and turned me into an ugly frog. If you will pick me up and kiss me, I'll turn back into a beautiful princess. Then you can take me home and we'll make wild passionate love for hours," the frog said.

The man reached down, picked the frog up and put it in his windbreaker pocket. He walked a few yards back down the fairway and dropped his ball preparing for his third shot.

"Hey, mister," the frog called, "aren't you going to kiss me?"

The man took a couple of practice swings with his three-wood and then hit the ball onto the par four green. Walking on towards the green, he said, "No, I'm not going to kiss you. At my age I'd rather have a talking frog."

[babyface_cardsfan]

What do the NFL and Broke back mtn. have in common???

They both have cowboys that suck!!

[Adrian]

i think everyone knows thi one, but ill post it anyway

ur mama's so stupid she bought a spoon to the superbowl :garfield:

[Eric]

What do you do if your dishwasher stops working?

Slap her. ;joker:

[LouDawg]

What's another name for an intelligent blonde?

"Golden Retriever"

[LouDawg]

Who was the owrst sinner of all time?

Moses. He broke all ten commandments at once.

[LouDawg]

Why can't the Dallas Cowboys play on their home field anymore?

Because they've snorted up all the lines and smoked all the grass.

[saldawyz]

bbbbb

[LouDawg]

Q: What do you call a boomerang that doesn't come back to you when you throw it?

A: A stick

[HebrewHammer]

Two men are playing a round of golf when they happen upon a twosome of women golfers in front of them. The ladies are playing extrememly slow, so one of the guys heads up to tell them to pick up the pace of play. Around 10 yards short of the twosome of ladies, the gentleman turns around....When he gets back to his playing partner, his partner asks if he told the ladies to pick it up. The gentleman replies that there is no way he can talk to the twosome because one of the ladies is his wife and the other lady is his girlfriend....So the other gentleman heads up to tell the ladies to pick it up...Again, about 10 yards short of the ladies he turns around as well. When he gets back, his partner asks if he had told them to pick it up....He responds: "I can't, this must be a small world, one of the ladies is also MY wife and the other is also My girlfriend.....

[HebrewHammer]

Two guys are putting out on the green. As one of the gentleman is ready to putt, a funeral procession comes down the road and passes them. As the funeral passes, the gentleman putting, takes off his hat and bows his head. His partner says: "Wow that is the most solemn and gracious thing I have ever seen."

The putter responds: "It is the least I could do, I was married to the ****** for 40 years....."

[saldawyz]

Why don't cannibals eat divorced women?
They're too bitter!

[LouDawg]

How do crazy people walk through the forest?

They take the psycho path.

[LouDawg]

What did the blond name her pet zebra?

"Spot"

[saldawyz]

1.Stick your palm open under the stall wall and ask your neighbor, ''May I borrow a highlighter?''
2. ''Uh-oh, I knew I shouldn't put my lips on that.''
3. Cheer and clap loudly every time somebody breaks the silence with a bodily function noise.
4. ''Hmmm, I've never seen that color before.''
5. ''****, this water is cold.''
6. Grunt and strain real loud for 30 seconds and then drop a cantaloupe into the toilet bowl from a high place and sigh relaxingly.
7. ''Now how did that get there?''
8. ''Hummus. Reminds me of hummus.''
9. Fill up a large flask with Mountian Dew. Squirt it erratically under the stall walls of your neighbors while yelling,''Whoa! Easy boy!!''
10. '' Interesting....more sinkers than floaters''
11. Using a small squeeze tube, spread peaunt butter on a wad of toliet paper and drop under the stall wall of your neighbor. Then say,''Whoops, could you kick that back over here, please?"
12. ''C'mon Mr. Happy! Don't fall asleep on me!!"
13. ''Boy, that sure looks like a maggot''
14. ''****, I knew that drain hole was a little too small. Now what am I gonna do?''
15. Play a well-known drum cadence over and over again on your butt cheeks.
16. Before you unroll toliet paper, conspicusly lay down your ''Cross-Dressers Anonymous'' newsletter on the floor visiable to the adjacent stall.
17. Lower a small mirror underneath the stall wall and adjust it so you can see your neighbor and say, ''Peek-a-boo!''
18. Drop a D-cup bra on the floor under the stall wall and sing ''Born Free.''
http://bestsmileys.com/puking/1.gif