BigDinGlenDale
06-16-2006, 01:08 PM
I got this in the email a while back, I thought it was pretty funny.
1. From a Southwest Airlines employee:
"There may be 50 ways to leave your lover, but there are only 4 ways out
of this airplane."
2. Pilot: "Folks, we have reached our cruising altitude now, so I am
going to switch the seat belt sign off. Feel free to move about as
you
wish, but please stay inside the plane till we land. It's a bit cold
outside; and if you walk on the wings, it affects the flight pattern."
3. After landing: "Thank you for flying Delta Business Express. We
hope you enjoyed giving us the business as much as we enjoyed taking you
for
a ride."
4. As the plane landed and was coming to a stop at Washington
National,
a lone voice comes over the loudspeaker: "Whoa, big fella...WHOA!"
5. After a particularly rough landing during thunderstorms in Memphis,
a
flight attendant on a Northwest flight announced, "Please take care
when
opening the overhead compartments; because after a landing like that,
sure as hell everything has shifted."
6. From a Southwest Airlines employee: "Welcome to Southwest
Airlines,
pick up your seatbelt, insert the metal tab into the buckle and pull it
tight. It works just like every other seatbelt; and if you don't know
how
to operate one, you probably shouldn't be out in public unsupervised.
In
the event of a sudden loss of cabin pressure, oxygen masks will
descend
from the ceiling. Stop screaming, grab the mask, and pull it over
your
face. If you have a small child traveling with you, secure your mask
before assisting with theirs. If you are traveling with two small
children, decide now which one you love more."
7. Weather at our destination is 50 degrees with some broken clouds,
but
they'll try to have them fixed before we arrive. Thank you, and
remember...nobody loves you or your money more than Southwest
Airlines."
8. "Your seat cushions can be used for flotation; and in the event of
an
emergency water landing, please take them with our compliments."
9. "As you exit the plane, please make sure to gather all of your
belongings. Anything left behind will be distributed evenly among the
flight attendants. Please do not leave children or spouses."
10. "Last one off the plane must clean it."
11. From the pilot during his welcome message: "We are pleased to
have
some of the best flight attendants in the industry. Unfortunately,
none
of them are on this flight."
12. Overheard on an American Airlines flight into Amarillo, Texas, on
a
particularly windy and bumpy day: During the final approach, the
Captain was really having to fight it. After an extremely hard landing
the
Flight Attendant came on the PA and announced, "Ladies and Gentlemen,
welcome to Amarillo. Please remain in your seats with your seatbelts
fastened while the Captain taxis what's left of our airplane to the
gate."
13. Another flight Attendant's comment on a less than perfect landing:
"We ask you to please remain seated as Captain Kangaroo bounces us to
the terminal."
14. An airline pilot wrote that on this particular flight, he had
hammered his ship into the runway really hard. The airline had a policy
which
required the first officer to stand at the door while the passengers
exited, smile, and give them a "Thanks for flying XYZ Airline." He said
that, in light of his bad landing, he had a hard time looking the
passengers in the eye...thinking that someone would have a smart
comment. Finally, everyone got off except for this little old lady
walking with a cane. She said, "Sonny, mind if I ask you a question?"
The pilot said,
"Why no, Mam. What is it?" The little old lady said, "Did we land or
were we shot down?"
15. After a real crusher of a landing in Phoenix, the Flight Attendant
came on with: "Ladies and Gentlemen, please remain in your seats
until
Captain Crash and the Crew have brought the aircraft to a screeching
halt up against the gate. And once the tire smoke has cleared and the
warning bells are silenced, we'll open the door and you can pick your
way
through the wreckage to the terminal."
16. Part of a Flight Attendant's arrival announcement: We'd like to
thank you folks for flying with us today. And, the next time you get
the
insane urge to go blasting through the skies in a pressurized metal
tube, we
hope you'll think of us here at US Airways."
1. From a Southwest Airlines employee:
"There may be 50 ways to leave your lover, but there are only 4 ways out
of this airplane."
2. Pilot: "Folks, we have reached our cruising altitude now, so I am
going to switch the seat belt sign off. Feel free to move about as
you
wish, but please stay inside the plane till we land. It's a bit cold
outside; and if you walk on the wings, it affects the flight pattern."
3. After landing: "Thank you for flying Delta Business Express. We
hope you enjoyed giving us the business as much as we enjoyed taking you
for
a ride."
4. As the plane landed and was coming to a stop at Washington
National,
a lone voice comes over the loudspeaker: "Whoa, big fella...WHOA!"
5. After a particularly rough landing during thunderstorms in Memphis,
a
flight attendant on a Northwest flight announced, "Please take care
when
opening the overhead compartments; because after a landing like that,
sure as hell everything has shifted."
6. From a Southwest Airlines employee: "Welcome to Southwest
Airlines,
pick up your seatbelt, insert the metal tab into the buckle and pull it
tight. It works just like every other seatbelt; and if you don't know
how
to operate one, you probably shouldn't be out in public unsupervised.
In
the event of a sudden loss of cabin pressure, oxygen masks will
descend
from the ceiling. Stop screaming, grab the mask, and pull it over
your
face. If you have a small child traveling with you, secure your mask
before assisting with theirs. If you are traveling with two small
children, decide now which one you love more."
7. Weather at our destination is 50 degrees with some broken clouds,
but
they'll try to have them fixed before we arrive. Thank you, and
remember...nobody loves you or your money more than Southwest
Airlines."
8. "Your seat cushions can be used for flotation; and in the event of
an
emergency water landing, please take them with our compliments."
9. "As you exit the plane, please make sure to gather all of your
belongings. Anything left behind will be distributed evenly among the
flight attendants. Please do not leave children or spouses."
10. "Last one off the plane must clean it."
11. From the pilot during his welcome message: "We are pleased to
have
some of the best flight attendants in the industry. Unfortunately,
none
of them are on this flight."
12. Overheard on an American Airlines flight into Amarillo, Texas, on
a
particularly windy and bumpy day: During the final approach, the
Captain was really having to fight it. After an extremely hard landing
the
Flight Attendant came on the PA and announced, "Ladies and Gentlemen,
welcome to Amarillo. Please remain in your seats with your seatbelts
fastened while the Captain taxis what's left of our airplane to the
gate."
13. Another flight Attendant's comment on a less than perfect landing:
"We ask you to please remain seated as Captain Kangaroo bounces us to
the terminal."
14. An airline pilot wrote that on this particular flight, he had
hammered his ship into the runway really hard. The airline had a policy
which
required the first officer to stand at the door while the passengers
exited, smile, and give them a "Thanks for flying XYZ Airline." He said
that, in light of his bad landing, he had a hard time looking the
passengers in the eye...thinking that someone would have a smart
comment. Finally, everyone got off except for this little old lady
walking with a cane. She said, "Sonny, mind if I ask you a question?"
The pilot said,
"Why no, Mam. What is it?" The little old lady said, "Did we land or
were we shot down?"
15. After a real crusher of a landing in Phoenix, the Flight Attendant
came on with: "Ladies and Gentlemen, please remain in your seats
until
Captain Crash and the Crew have brought the aircraft to a screeching
halt up against the gate. And once the tire smoke has cleared and the
warning bells are silenced, we'll open the door and you can pick your
way
through the wreckage to the terminal."
16. Part of a Flight Attendant's arrival announcement: We'd like to
thank you folks for flying with us today. And, the next time you get
the
insane urge to go blasting through the skies in a pressurized metal
tube, we
hope you'll think of us here at US Airways."